Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
