Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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