Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
