i just google imaged poop.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
