We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
