I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he's gonorrhea incarnate
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
