then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
