Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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