so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
