Your mouth is God's brothel.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
