no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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