how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
