Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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