is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
