Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
