Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
