Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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