At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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