I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
