Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
