how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
