Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
