made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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