I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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