Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
