I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
