I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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