oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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