the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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