so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
