ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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