Kiss
Puke
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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