so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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