i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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