so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
