i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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