Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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