got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
