I hate your face
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
