Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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