Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
