We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
