pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
