My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
