Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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