it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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