At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
