i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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