I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
