Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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