How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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