i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
