if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
