fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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