Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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