and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
