Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
