homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
