And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
